day 14: exhaustion!

this morning i woke up and i felt utterly exhausted. i had signed up to do saddle, which is one of the hardest hikes they have at fitness ridge. i woke up around 6:15 fully intending to do west canyon instead. it's a flat hike, mostly pavement, that walks through the ridges and has barely any incline. much easier than stop sign, and much much easier than saddle. i put on my running shoes and headed towards the van without even getting any water for my camelbak.

well, when i got outside the first thing i heard was "okay, you're sierra right? this is the van for saddle." i'd written my name on both lists, and crossed my name off on the saddle one last night. i guess they didn't get the memo, and for the next half an hour i was pretty grumpy. but i headed off to saddle anyway. i can't wait to show you pictures of saddle. you're going to flip out! the whole entire beginning was a full climb. practically 90 degrees, except unlike volcano it didn't last ten minutes. it lasted a half hour, if not more. don't forget, i wasn't wearing my hiking shoes. so difficult.

at one point, you drop down into a pit of sand. most people were graceful and just slid down gently until they were close enough to jump. i did the same except planted my knees and hands into the sand instead of my feet. nice one...

when i got back, i was pretty exhausted but i knew i still had two more classes. i headed to breakfast where i had a bowl of granola with almond milk and a banana.

after breakfast, i got into my bathing suit and went into the pool for "open swim". kateri and raunie were attempting to build a raft so kateri could float across the pool. that entire scene pretty much distracted me from swimming laps. by the way, swimming laps is a lot harder than i thought. i wish i never stopped swimming it probably helps build endurance. after that i grabbed skinny legs and all for the first time since i've been here, read about a page and took a nap in the shade. it's so excruciatingly hot here.

lunch was a hawaiian mahi fish taco. everyone was complaining it was bland so i got tuna on a bagel thin instead. after lunch, kateri and i quickly got dressed and biked 6 miles into st. george. it took us about an hour and fifteen to get there. once we were there, we got starbucks (unsweetened iced green tea) and went to see crazy stupid love. it was really great! i definitely recommend it. ryan gosling is a god. it's ridiculous. after that, we biked a different way back to the ridge. our bike totaled about 13 miles roundtrip. i had so much fun with kateri in st. george. she's such a wonderful and beautiful person.

once we got back we were exhausted, it was about 7:30 p.m. (we'd left at 1:15 p.m.). i caught a ride with a girl here into town again and bought kateri and i two 6 inch subway sandwiches since we'd missed dinner. i'm surprisingly extremely full. it's kind of weird not being able to eat as much. not wanting to eat as much i could definitely get used to. after i ate, i went to kathy's room and she helped me finish the small drawstring bag i had started. i can't wait to crochet afghans. it's going to be so fun!

once again, another week is over. i'm going to miss shanelle, francine, and kathy. but i am so glad i met them and i can't wait to see them again. this week's vibe was a bit different. the new people were slightly cold and a bit stand-offish. the personalities didn't compare to those i got to know in the first week, but i am still glad i'm here. i'm still glad i'm pushing to the end.

third week is supposed to be the hardest week. a lot of people hit roadblocks. but i'm going to do my best as i've been doing, and just keep thinking of what's at the other end of all of this: freedom. liberation from physical and mental weight i've carried with me for far too long. i have to be honest, i'm afraid of disappointing myself when i leave here. i was talking to sione today and it really is impossible to know what it's like to struggle with your weight unless you actually do struggle with your weight. and i'm talking about attempting to manage an unhealthy weight. not your occasional 5 pound gain and loss.

i hope you are all taking something out of this. and i hope that when you work out that you push yourself a little harder and think of me doing the same for you out here.
with love, goodnight.