Sunday, August 14, 2011

day 29: reality and such

this morning (sunday) i woke up, gathered up the rest of my things, and went down for my weigh in.

my results were as follows:
starting weight: 191.6 lbs
result: 175.6 lbs
difference of: 16 lbs

i lost 2.25 inches in my bust, 4.75 in my belly, and 2.5 in my hips.
also, my body fat percentage was originally 35%. it is now 30.5% for a difference of 4.5%.
my BMI dropped 2.5 points.

i only lost two pounds this last week, but that's okay with me. now comes the hardest part: keeping the weight off and losing more.

breakfast was an apple muffin that i grabbed with my sack lunch.

i said goodbye to everyone that was awake and went to wait for my shuttle. annie walked me to the lobby and sat with me while i waited. i'm definitely gonna miss her a ton.

the drive to the airport felt like it took forever. i didn't really want to deal with traveling today. there were a lot of people waiting for me at home and i wish i could've snapped my fingers and reappeared in new york. luckily once i was in the airport, hobbling through with guitar and overpacked carry-on, i saw cindy at the gate across from mine. we walked down to starbucks where i got a grande non-fat cappuccino. it was delicious but the caffeine had me shaking the minute i even smelled it. after talking for a bit, and moping over our terribly delayed flights, it was time to get going.

my lunch in its brown paper bag was resting in my carry-on. i ate it over the longest period of time. i nibbled on a few pieces of green apple here, some carrots there, i had the almond butter and jelly while i was waiting to board, and i had the string cheese towards the end of the flight. thank god there were so many components so i wasn't starving when i left the plane.

my flight, which was supposed to leave at 11:20, finally left the ground at 1:30 the earliest. maybe 2. i was so anxious to just be home that the five hours on the plane felt like the longest hours of my life. i had a middle seat, so i assumed i'd be in between two people that were also flying alone. wrong. i was sitting in the middle seat between a son and a father. the rest of the family was in the row right next to us. i asked if they wanted to sit together and they declined my offer, i'm guessing because they didn't want to sit in the middle seat. it sucked.

i finally landed a little after 9 and met my mom at the baggage claim. new york, huh? nice. i grabbed my bag and we shuffled our way up to the car which felt like it was miles and miles away. the minute my skin felt the new york air it moistened and i was a little sad. so was my hair. sad, sad, sad. so much humidity that the air was thick in my lungs. i don't really mind too much though. it was just drastic to experience that.

we picked up my best friend rich on our way home, as he'll be staying with us for a few days! the minute i got through the door and said hi to my family and gifted them all tiny little presents, i quickly ran to my friend raina's where a bunch of my friends were hanging out. it was so nice to see them all and i'm glad i have a few days left here in ny to settle myself back into real life before heading up to school.

it's time to get to bed, i have an endocrinologist appointment tomorrow morning. i'm probably going to have to get blood taken to get all of my levels checked. hopefully FR helped reduce the insulin resistance! i have faith. i'm hitting the gym right after, too. don't worry.

i've really enjoyed updating this blog, and i'm sure you've enjoyed reading it, too. i haven't decided yet if i'm going to continue writing it or maybe begin a new one to write about my struggles at school? i think that may be what i'll do. if i decide to start a new one, i will probably just continue writing on here. or, it will be connected to this username. either way, i'll keep you updated when i decide.

definitely check back tomorrow to hear about my doctor's appointment if you're interested!
love you all,
goodnight.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

day 28: the final day

this morning i woke up and played tennis with a woman here named sherree. i didn't think too often about how it was my last day because i refuse to leave here depressed. tennis was fun, we played for about an hour and a half and my polar said i burned about 400 calories which i think is sufficient.

breakfast was a frittata with avocado on top. the saddest part about it was that i was instantly reminded of my sister and keah and how excited they get when they make frittata. some people here at FR hadn't even heard of it before. i think i've heard too much. is that possible?

after breakfast i dragged annie on a bike ride to kayenta, the local art village that i'd visited with Kateri. it's a pretty hilly ride but we were successful and i found a nice iced coffee with skim milk in my hand at the end of it all. the caffeine must've hit me pretty hard because i was a little jittery for a good amount of time. we strolled around a bit, looking through shops and speaking with the artists and people running the stores. i think it's safe to say we had a ton of fun and spent a good three hours there before heading back.

we decided to have lunch in the coffee shop there, xetava. it has a really lovely menu that kind of reminds me of art café. i opted for the chipotle chicken salad. it was a mesclun mix with grilled chicken, green apples, cucumbers, red onions, dried cranberries, walnuts, peppers, and feta topped with a balsamic aioli. i have to get in the habit of asking for dressing on the side because it will definitely save me a bunch of calories. the salad was awesome but i couldn't finish the whole thing. must've been the heat and the coffee and the fact that i eat a fistful of food a day.

once we got back to the ridge, it was time to really get down to business. i had to face the reality that i am leaving tomorrow. i did laundry, read over the bill, collected the cookbooks, and began packing. it was a rough process, actually. i think i'm leaving with more than i came with and i don't know if that's a good or bad thing. i think it's time to throw out a lot of my clothes and push downward in the size scale. but mentally, i'm definitely leaving with more than i came with.

it's been planned for weeks that tonight we were going to the washington county fair. but today i was told that we were headed for the fair's demolition derby. we decided to grab dinner at a red lobster where we used the nutrition facts for each meal to determine what we'd order. i got a half portion of salmon with veggies, which seemed like the best choice. i'd still rather bake my own... you never know how badly the chef wants to raise america's risk of a heart attack.

the demolition derby was great! before it began we decided to each choose 3 cars/trucks and put down a dollar. if anyone's car or truck won the derby then that person would get the $4. and so it began. a night filled with multiple heats of cars crushing each other, free t-shirts flying through cannons, and tons of weird games and competitions to act as intermissions. there was a mooing contest and a tug-o-war game! it was way more exciting than i thought it would be and i have to say i'd probably go to one again.... hahahah. i mean, it was only $10. when it was down to the last heat, i was the only one with a car still left in the running. my car and another car were the only two cars left for a solid five or ten minutes!! i, surprisingly enough, was cheering and yelling for "86ers"! and i guess it worked because it looks like i left with 3 extra bucks in my pocket!

now i'm back in my room thinking of all the things i have to do tomorrow. and one of them is weigh in. i'm nervous, i won't lie. but i have a lot of things to do in my future and even if i didn't lose a ton of weight this week, i'm still going to train to complete them. first on my list is the great pumpkin run at oswego in october. maybe i can get some of my friends to join me, too.

p.s. here's a quick look at the hike we did, "pinnacle":


lovin' you from utah,
goodnight.

Friday, August 12, 2011

day 27: bittersweet friday at the ridge

i woke up extra early this morning to get my RMR done. RMR stands for resting metabolic rate and it is basically the amount of calories your body burns if you sit in a chair for 24 hours and do absolutely nothing but breathe. it was kind of weird. sharon hooked a tube up to my mouth and to a computer and just told me to breathe for twelve minutes. afterwards, i found out that i have the metabolism of a rock. rocks don't have metabolisms, you say? that's correct. neither do i. my RMR is 1460 which means i'll have to stick to 12-1400 calories to stay in weight loss zone. it'll be ridiculously hard during the school year but have faith in me.

the hike we did this morning was "volcano". i'm not sure if you remember the blogpost in the first week where i wrote about this hike, but i'm pretty sure i wrote something about god making sure we didn't make it. well, little did i know, the first time i did the hike we didn't even make it to the volcano. we merely made it to a nice outlook that was near the volcano! boy, i was in for it. we got to the billboard memorial that was the landmark for the outlook that i'd made it to last time and i was thrilled to have "completed" volcano once again. and when i asked mason, my fav guide, if we were gonna head back after that, he said, "why would we go back when we didn't even get to the volcano part of the hike yet?". i was so confused but i continued hiking along, leading my group (which had pretty much been separated at this point-- there were only 3 of us going quickly along with mason).

finally, we saw it. the volcano. it looked like a black and gray hill with a dark brown path up it. little did i know that path was coated in tiny little lava rock marbles that were extremely difficult to walk on. i trekked up and once at the top i was definitely proud. the way down was definitely harder, though. it was a lot more stress on my mind and on my legs trying to figure out where to step so as not to slip and start slipping the whole way down. i must not have been careful enough, even though i was going the slowest, because i began to slip downward until i was on my butt still slipping and finally to stop myself from sliding i threw my knee down. it wasn't the smartest idea cause it cut my knee open but it didn't hurt that much and i'm not in any pain. blood is blood.

before breakfast, this man marc gave me an advantage+ band which has been engineered by NASA scientists to help the body operate at a frequency that improves balance. i don't fully understand it but it was free and he did a few things to show me how it worked and i was totally sold on the whole idea. i'll show you all when i get home if you remind me.

breakfast was toast, egg, and sausage.

after breakfast i went to fitness topics and then i took cardio intervals. fitness topics was basically a Q&A lecture with paige. i found it pretty helpful to see that working out doesn't have to be dreaded completely. cardio intervals was with robin and she is just wonderful. i pushed to my fastest speed at fitness ridge in her class: 10.2. wonderful! even if it was only for a few seconds.

at noon i had a personal session with tiffany to figure out a good workout plan that would be effective and reasonable. she helped me to decide that i'll work out 3-4, maybe 5 days a week but if i don't get in all 5 i have to be okay with that. the sessions are designed so that i'll incorporate programs i've learned here but also use the group classes that are offered at school. she also gave me a plan to use to train for a 5k. i plan to sign up for one that's in november. i'm definitely excited! everyone that reads this should do it as well. whether you run or walk, it's something to be proud of. i think there's one in october at oswego too. i think i'll try and take part in both.

lunch was tomatillo soup and a turkey club pita.

afterwards, i went to a lecture with nicole called "planning strategies". the lecture reviewed the four pillars of fitness ridge: fitness, nutrition, education, and relaxation. i found the lecture extremely helpful. every minute i became less nervous about my motivation to stay fit at school. but only time will tell.

it was fun friday today! zumba, zumba, and pool with meditation! today's zumba teacher was the one that i like which was a wonderful way to end my last friday at the ridge. i took 2 classes of it and i wasn't bored even a little bit. the pool class was nice and relaxing too only i can't say i got much of a calorie burn.

dinner was a salmon burger with coleslaw and a side of snap peas. dessert was a cinnamon crisp which is absolutely delightful!

graduation was really sad. i've appreciated every moment here and i am so thankful to my parents for giving me the opportunity. i'd love it if next year we could all come back here together at some point. everyone spoke about the ways in which they'd been inspired and i had so much to say i could barely say anything at all. i said my thank yous and i sat down, really. i have cards for the trainers so i'll say what i have to in that. we all took a ton of pictures after graduation and it was just really wonderful. i didn't think i'd cry but i definitely did. thankfully annie was right next to me supporting me the whole time. i wish i could be here to see her off for her final week, but i know she'll be just fine without me.

i love fitness ridge! time for bed!
goodnight. &love. lots of it.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

26: mormons and mountain goats

i hiked to the top of pinnacle this morning. it was absolutely amazing and gorgeous. it was up through a lava wash, to a pathway of sand until you hit sandstone. once you hit the sandstone, the climbing begins. it was truly an amazing experience to climb that high on sandstone. when i say climb, you have to realize you may be exaggerating it in your head, but its steep enough that you do have to hold on at times. i'm really glad i did this hike. i was super nervous yesterday and really not excited this morning but now i could not be happier. also, we saw a rattlesnake!!! i was so happy and i know jessica will be too. i didn't get a picture but jordan walked right past it and i spotted it first. it didn't hit me that it was a rattlesnake until other people were afraid but i was honestly so happy that i saw a snake. trip complete. time to go home. no, but really....

the hiking guides move around the hills like mountain goats. i was talking to jordan through most of the hike until we got to the sandstone part. i had to tell him i couldn't talk anymore because i was gonna get too out of breath. he literally takes three steps and is 20 feet ahead of me, immediately. i love him though. jordan and mason are my two favorite hiking guides. i can't wait until you all get to see them!

breakfast was muesli but i opted out for peanut butter and toast with banana. it was awesome. i think that i might love peanut butter.

after breakfast i went to the label reading class. i regret this decision a lot, as there wasn't much i learned other than which protein bars were best. pure bars are the way to go. they're about the same as lara bars but they have way less calories. i almost fell asleep during this lecture and i think my body took it as a sign it was time to slow down a little. i went to my room to take a nap for the second class but i felt totally guilty so i called my mom first to try and judge the amount of disappointment she felt by listening closely to her voice. there was enough. but i napped anyway.

lunch was mushroom soup and a turkey sandwich. the sandwich has sprouts and red onions and tomatoes and hummus and it is absolutely delicious thickly sliced turkey.

i went to the departing guests announcements after lunch which led right into the budget review (also for departing guests). we went over a bunch of details on how to maintain life at home, etc. i started freaking out a little bit because i know that at oswego there aren't many healthy dinner options. i decided to meet with rachel after the lecture. she gave me a solid hour of her time to go over some of the acceptable options, decide whether or not to count calories, and how to deal with the partying and excess calories that come with it. i found it very helpful and it really eased my nerves. she allowed me to understand that it's okay to indulge as long as the calories are quality calories. this means more natural than processed. she told me that with insulin resistance, a lot of times it will be better for me to eat what's more natural and wholesome rather than what is lower in calories. i feel a lot more confident now that i've talked to someone.

this afternoon i took treading first. nicole was instructing and she had me running faster than ever. i ran the first interval initially at 6.2 &increased throughout. the rest of the intervals i attempted to get to 8 every time. for the last 30 second sprint, i broke my speed barrier and ran at 10 for a good 15 seconds. i know that doesn't sound like a lot but 10 is a scary speed to run at. my legs were flying. it was awesome.

i moved next door into the aerobics room for ballworks. nicole had that class too. she kicked our asses! i never thought i could work so hard with a pilates ball but honestly every single exercise we did i felt my body burning. it was wonderful.

dinner was two stuffed peppers and broccoli. it was so filling! dessert was tiramisu which wasn't actually tiramisu at all. no coffee, no tiramisu.

after dinner we went to menu planning lecture. we went over some frequent concerns such as caffeine, alcohol, artificial sweeteners, supplements, and high fructose corn syrup. caffeine and alcohol are always okay in moderation, just like anything else. artificial sweeteners are to be avoided but truvia and stevia are natural sweeteners so they're more acceptable. a lot of people are deficient in vitamin d and it's important that you take supplements for any deficiencies you may have if they're effecting your health.

there's a 7 day meal plan in the biggest loser book i received on the first day and i also ordered chef's cookbooks today. i'm excited to leave. i want to continue losing weight but if that deems ridiculously hard at school, i'll be perfectly happy maintaining weight.

i spent the rest of the night trying to complete a puzzle with maria, annie, and dylan! we got pretty far, i hope we get to finish it tomorrow.
putting the pieces together with love,
goodnight.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

day 25: wednesday has always been the hardest

today was wednesday. it was expected that i would be tired, it was predicted that i could crash. my hike was "red mountain", again. it's an uneventful hike but the overlook is gorgeous and i was glad to see it one last time before i go. a low burn though, only around 700 cal.

breakfast was french toast, scrambled eggs, and sausage. it's funny because i'm craving greek yogurt and blueberries and honey...

after breakfast i went to the health and wellness workshop again. i regret my decision slightly, as writing out my goals and hearing other people talk about their mental blocks and spiritual needs is a bit tedious. then i went to stretch and had the best surprise of the day: paige was instructing the class!!! she is the absolute best. i had a great wednesday stretch class and then i headed over to lunch.

beet soup and pesto&sundried tomato pizza. it was glorious! the food today was all really great actually.

to follow up a great meal, rachel, one of the nutritionists, brought us to Albertson's (the grocery store here in Utah). we walked around the store looking at labels and deciding what was best for us to choose. she gave us basic advice such as shop for your produce first, don't go hungry, and sometimes you'll have to choose between more natural and less calories. i can tell rachel prefers we choose the more natural option rather than the low in calories option. i think i'd prefer that too but it all comes down to which fits.  i just don't know, i just don't know. by the way, nature's path flax flakes are an excellent choice for a cereal! i would totally go for that. also, kashi go lean crunch is only 190 calories for a cup and that's not bad at all! at school i can have an english muffin with peanut butter and banana for breakfast, or i can have fage greek yogurt with honey and a fruit. i think i will be okay!

it's sad to notice some of the people here who really just don't get it. the people who just don't really grasp what ingredient is more natural than the next, who don't understand what a healthy option is. maybe i'm worse-- i know what to do down to every last detail, i just don't do it. maybe.

we got back and it was time to begin the afternoon classes. i was so beat. i was ready to pass out, skip mountain, and give up to my exhaustion for the day. instead, i went to mountain to get it over with and decided instead of going to pool i'd take it easy. i didn't follow the mountain regimen with all of it's increases. instead i ran at 5.8 for two miles. 2 miles!!!! can you believe that?! i think i could've gone longer too. i was pretty proud. proud enough that i gave myself that next class to just bike and read. i took kickboxing as my last class. it was the same as every other kickboxing class i've taken here. i'm definitely thinking about taking one during the winter at home or during next summer. i could see it being extremely exciting.

dinner was café salad. we've had it before. it's very similar to a taco salad with lettuce, tortilla, pico de gallo, chicken, beans, and rice. it's one of my favorite salads for sure. and dessert was mango sorbet which i absolutely loved! it was rich and really resembled sorbet! we all sprinkled cinnamon on it.

every wednesday a shuttle to target is offered. i signed up earlier in the week so that i could buy cards for all of the trainers. i bought 7 thank you cards, earrings, gum, another nail polish (sorry dad) and a strapless bra. i tried on a few pair of jeans without feeling fearful that the sizes i'd chose wouldn't fit me. what a nice life that is.

i'm exhausted. i'd write more, in more detail, but i just can't. there are 2.5 days of exercise left and i am absolutely just dying to see new york and all of the beautiful faces inside.
goodnight!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

day 24: the final trek to stop sign

today was a bittersweet tuesday. it began with the sweet part, as i trudged my way up "stop sign" for the last time! i shaved 2 minutes off of my last time, completing the 4.3 miles in 1:08. i wasn't aiming to beat my time until i realized i was so close to the end that it'd just be disappointed not to beat my time. i'd been walking with a kid here, dylan, when suddenly i realized it was time to jet off and challenge myself one last time on stop sign. and up i went. after we got to the top, dylan and i walked out to the overlook and i attempted to take in as much of ivins as i could in a few breaths. it's nearly impossible.

breakfast was a smoothie and english muffin but i got granola instead because it was about the same amount of calories and more filling that way.

i decided to do strength circuit as my first class of the morning since it seemed to be the most active of the choices. i felt great after, but my body has felt super tight so i decided i'd take stretch next. unfortunately, sione was teaching stretch for the first time and a lot of the guests wanted to take his classes since he was on the biggest loser. i walked into the gym, saw everyone doing weird stretch calisthenics across the floor and walked out.

four other people walked out with me and followed me over to the aerobics room where i led them in a half an hour long stretch class of my own. we all enjoyed ourselves and felt more relaxed than if we'd taken stretch class with sione.

lunch was squash soup and a sloppy joe. i sat across from rachel, the dietician, and talked to her a little bit about going back to school. she helped a bit with deciding how to resist cravings and figuring out the best way to indulge. then, she stood up and introduced the calorie challenge for the week. the place this week was starbucks. hint: stay away from anything with whipped cream, and if it says low-fat... that doesn't mean low-calorie. i didn't win this week, incase anyone was curious.

after lunch i skyped with rikki and it was wonderful to hear from her! i cannot wait to go back to school and i'm totally thankful there isn't much downtime between now and then. the classes offered after lunch were deep water suspension, total toning, and cardio intervals. i took cardio intervals first to get it out of the way. i decided to try the elliptical today since i've been using the treadmill like a maniac. it was still a good work out using the elliptical and resistance. i didn't think it would be but i was extremely surprised. i chose total toning next. it's pretty much the same every week: a step, a body bar, and hand weights. i did pool last even though it wasn't assigned to my color group but for some reason i just didn't care.

dinner was chicken and spaghetti squash with a few string beans. chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. it's one of my favorite dinners so i didn't leave a bite. i'm not regretting it.

i sat outside with annie and maria for quite a bit after we ate, talking about everything from diet to home life. i love them both and maria is absolutely hysterical. after a while, maria went to a spa appointment she had and annie and i continued to talk. two women came over and began to talk to us. we spoke with them for about 40 minutes and afterwards i was surprised i'd had such in depth conversation with two women i'd barely said anything to before then. fitness ridge never ceases to surprise me and i am so ecstatic about that.

i am counting the days as if sunday were christmas. and i've learned today (particularly through those two women) that there is much truth to my motto:
share your heart with everyone,
goodnight.

Monday, August 8, 2011

day 23: the first day of my final week

this morning was my last monday at fitness ridge. how glorious is that? freedom lurks just around the corner. it is both daunting and exciting.

my assessment hike today was called "black brush". this hike is known for being one of the more boring hikes assigned at fitness ridge. i guess i had to have a boring one at some point. it wasn't as bad as i thought, but the scenery was nothing to write home about (even though, i am ironically "writing home"). it is one of the highest calorie burning hikes i can remember. maybe because i was going particularly fast. i came back to FR to find i was assigned to the fastest group for the week.

breakfast was bacon and egg sandwich but i opted out and had granola with a cut up red apple and cinnamon. it's such good granola and it's so filling.

after breakfast i opted for stretch to hopefully loosen my overly tight hip flexers. it makes running suck because i'm always afraid i'll pull something. it doesn't stop me from running however, as i took mountain next. before the class, tiffany goes around mid-warm-up and asks everyone what their goal for the class is. i told her mine was to make it up to 6.0 at the top of the mountain. (in case you've forgotten, mountain is twelve 3-minute intervals. you increase after every interval.) i got to what i thought was the last turn up and was at 6.0! reached my goal! tiffany looked at her stopwatch and decided there were two  more increases. i ended up ending mountain at 6.5. since i had been jogging for a good twenty minutes, i didn't think i was going to make it. annie and maria were on either side of me and they began to run to help me keep going. it was so inspirational! there was no way i could stop running when i saw both of them start running with me to keep me going. unbelievable. so fitness ridge.

lunch was vegetable soup and a turkey rice bowl with grilled zucchini, summer squash, red onion, and tomatoes. the rice bowl was awesome! i forgot to mention to you guys that one of my goals for the week is to begin leaving at least a bite of food on my plate. although i am only taking in 1200 calories a day, i think it's important to be okay with seeing food on your plate and still saying no. i think a lot of people struggle with this, not just myself. so, hopefully by accomplishing this goal (which i've done so far), i'll help myself stop overeating and get comfortable with looking at food without devouring it.

my afternoon consisted of volleyball for "open gym", two circuit classes and a core class. i took circuit twice instead of going to pool in attempt to finish the entire strength side of the gym. i didn't finish, but strength circuit is tomorrow so i'll try to finish then. core class was wonderful, as usual. i was pretty beat today.

overall it was a successful day and i found it to be one of the most intense calorie burns since end of week 2. last week was all in the 2ks and today i broke through to 3k. thank god!

dinner was chili and cornbread which was probably the best thing i've had while at fitness ridge. i wish i could've skipped the cornbread and gone with greek yogurt but it's fine. i'll just make my own chili when i get home. dessert was a pineapple skewer. i ate the whole piece of pineapple because, come on, it's pineapple. things like that are okay.

only 4.5 more days of exercise to go until i get a little bit of time to relax and pack and i'm back on a plane to reality. time to endulge by watching true blood. yessss.
with tons of little tiny glittery hearts filled with love,
goodnight.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

day 22: commence the final stretch

my friend Annie has been sleeping in my room since i don't have a roommate. i absolutely adore her! we talked last night for a solid two hours before coming upstairs to sleep.

this morning we woke up around 8:20 (that's what we call "sleeping in" here at FR). i was going to take a shower but i realized my hair would be wet for weigh-in, and quickly decided against risking any extra weight.

my starting weight: 191.6
my end-of-third-week weigh-in: 177.5
total of 14.1 lbs in 3 weeks. i can deal with that.

after weigh-in, i went to the dining hall and had some granola for breakfast. the sack lunch today was roasted asparagus and tomato hummus. inside the brown paper bag was hummus, carrots, pita, and string cheese. i used the apple that i would've had with breakfast.

i quickly went back to my room to catch up on as much sleep as possible before housekeeping came in to clean for my new roommate. i slept until 1:30.... hahahah. i woke up just in time for her to knock on the door, and i quickly slipped out as she came in.

i went downstairs and read skinny legs and all for about an hour while eating lunch. while i was in the dining hall, a small blonde woman came in and was getting some water while i was reading. i looked up and said hello, and she asked me what room i was in. she said something like this, "hi, what room are you in? oh we're roommates! how long have you been here? okay so how much weight have you lost?" the last question is one that is strongly discouraged here at fitness ridge. i'm sure she'll learn that quickly, but i thought it was a bit rude for that to be the first thing she asked. oh well. maybe it will work out. she's very nice! just intense! positive attitude time. i am in control of only myself.

after that whole situation i spent the rest of the afternoon with cindy, sean, maria, and ellen outside. this is cindy's eighth and final week. if her and annie weren't here i don't know what i would do. the sad thing is that everyone from the "fast" hiking group left except for me. i'm so alone..... hahah.

dinner tonight is stroganoff and vanilla pie. i'm sure it will be good.
after dinner i will probably find myself reading until i fall asleep. life is good when there are 7 days left of FR! life is great when there are 16 days until Oswego <3.

love and love and love,
goodnight.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

day 21: adventure and stuff, you know

today was an extremely different saturday. woke up around 7 a.m. and went to the store to buy pants to horseback ride in. bought some mediums! (proud). we left FR around 7:30 and headed over to red mountain to find the horses and the trail. of course, we may have gotten a bit lost so we didn't officially see any horses until 8:30.

quickly, we got on the horses and learned a bit about how to steer. when i say "a bit" i mean literally all she said was pull back to make them stop. the minute i got on my horse she started to move around which kind of freaked me out a little bit. my horse's name was trixie. she didn't like to stand in line, or move as slowly as all of the other horses. i think that may have been why she was in the back. trixie was quite the trouble maker. every time we stopped, even though she had a loose mesh muzzle on so she wouldn't eat the plants, she'd chomp on the bushes until we'd start riding again. most of the ride was very slow and kind of boring but it was cool to be on a horse. i don't really think it's my passion. at least now i know.

sean had dropped us off at red mountain trail in his car. the dilemma was now that neither Kateri or I had cell phone service or a ride. we asked the horse guide to drop us off as far as she could. she brought us to a nearby local restaurant, Red Dog Café, and we decided to get breakfast/lunch. it turns out the entire menu, with no surprise, was pretty much deep fried foods and it seemed like the kind of joint that would serve a salad with iceberg lettuce and shredded cheese from a bag. both of us skipped the salad. eggs were the next best healthy option. i got a three egg omelette with tomato, spinach, mushrooms, peppers, and cheese. i skipped the hash browns and got tomatoes instead and i got toast but i only ate one piece. when i got it, the omelette wasn't greasy at all and i was really impressed by the food quality. i ended up scraping out most of the cheese, anyway.

we called a cab to bring us to the nearest mall. the cab cost $50, if you can honestly believe that. the ride was like going from new city to the palisades mall. absolutely ridiculous. it's a $7 minimum as soon as you get in the car. we shopped at the zion outlets. most of the stores weren't really impressive stores for an outlet. then we crossed the street and walked down the road to tj maxx. after we were all shopped out, we knew we didn't have a ride home and there was no way we were going to take a cab. we found a bus station, rode the bus about 6 miles away from FR and then walked the rest of the way back.

dinner was cobb salad and banana cream pie for dessert. both were not very impressive. i'm going to go to the gym now due to lack of exercise today. i'm going to miss Kateri so much and i can't wait to go visit her in west africa. she's become so close to me in such a short period of time, i can't imagine if i hadn't met her. i wish all of you could meet her too, you'd absolutely adore her.

time for the gym. weh.
love and warmth,
goodnight.

day 20: a surge in motivation (friday)

this blog was written on friday and for some reason didn't post!

this morning i woke up and set out to van 5. who was inside? no one. today's hike consisted of two hiking guides, dennis and mason, and two hikers, Kateri and me. the hike we were to complete was called "white rocks" but i don't think i saw a lick of white rocks anywhere that we went. we started out on sand, we climbed up a bit of red sandstone, and we went through the infinite wash of lava rock that had eroded from a flash floods. when i say infinite, i mean infinite. we walked through the wash for about an hour. just when i thought it might end...it didn't. but it was my highest calorie burning hike of the week.

breakfast was a parfait of greek yogurt, granola, and fruit. the parfait is a little less than 500 calories which i find really surprising but the calories must come from the granola.

after breakfast i went to stretch class because my hips have been feeling a bit tight from running my life away. to prevent further tightness, i spent the second segment of morning classes on the bike reading skinny legs and all.

lunch was french onion soup and caesar salad. it was okay but i won't be dreaming about it.

the afternoon was zumba, circuit, and pool. i was thinking i'd do zumba twice, and finish with circuit. but guess who's back?! that's right. the woo-er. ugh, get her out of here already! her classes suck. i took one class, felt miserable, wished i had earplugs, etc. i took circuit second and ended with pool. during circuit i ran at 9.0 for a minute and i even hit 9.5 again. but that was only for a few seconds. so many people here do that on the regular as if it's no big deal. i think i'd probably fall so i'm not gonna push the speed thing too extremely until i feel more confident. the pool class was great. nicole instructed and she ended the class with a 20 minute mix of tai chi and meditation. glorious!

i started to get cold at the end of the meditation and found it too hard to stay relaxed. Kateri and i went into the steam room for a bit. she'd bought scrubbing gloves (they're like loofas you wear as gloves) and we each took one. so after a few minutes of steaming, we began exfoliating. of course i was practically crying laughing the entire time because everything she says is hysterical. i made the mistake of comparing her to dori from finding nemo one day, which is completely accurate, and now most people here acknowledge the similarities between the two on a daily basis.

a bunch of us skipped dinner again. we went to graduation, where we watched the weekly video bobby'd made of us. there was a solid one minute segment of me laying on the ground singing "ooo baby, baby la la la la la la la". nice. good thing i wasn't too embarrassed because i speak in song here as if i were at home. everyone is very accepting. it's become a trend, actually...

the only thing was after i made my singing debut in our video, a woman got up and sang a great song she'd written. needless to say, her singing was much better than mine.

we went to sushi around 8. i had a seaweed salad, and a spicy tuna roll. i couldn't finish because my stomach is actually the size of a deck of cards now (congrats mom, i'll embrace those tiny plates you like us to use). some people made good decisions, others didn't. i think it just shows who needs more help, and who is finding control. i could still use a little more control. i think i'll get there soon.

i should get to bed. saturday hikes are optional, and the only hike that would have been remotely challenging got filled up by 6 people immediately at 10 a.m. Kateri and I, searching for an alternative, decided we'd go horseback riding instead. i'm so excited! i've never ridden a horse before. you get a half hour of lessons and then 1.5 hrs of riding time. i don't know what to wear. i was going to wear jean shorts but Kateri says i'll "get horse on my legs". she's very concerned. guess i'll just have to figure it out tomorrow morning.

i absolutely cannot wait for tomorrow, it should be so exciting.
with my love and best wishes, goodnight.
p.s. i saw a toad tonight. super cute. way better than tarantulas. holler.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

day 19: on letting go and a mind like water

first thing's first! i didn't tell you about the reason why i hated saddle. how i could have forgotten, i'm not quite sure. anyway, get this: there was a tarantula on the path. right in the very beginning. early enough that i spent the rest of the hike being nervous i'd find one on my leg after walking through the brush. the guide said it was the second he'd seen in 10 years. just my luck, huh?

today kateri and i decided to ditch the "stop sign" hike. i've done it twice already and i'll have another chance to do it again next week. instead, we biked to the local art village, kayenta. kateri had her morning coffee and i sat and read time magazine. it was lovely, but there was no calorie burn involved at all, whatsoever. the whole day kateri and i spent our extra time looking at our calorie burns only to find ourselves a little over 2k by the end of the day.

breakfast was a bacon and egg sandwich again but i got granola and almond milk instead. i put in a cut up red apple and some cinnamon. it was absolutely awesome!

after breakfast i spent both of the morning classes in the gym, attempting to up my calorie burn. i first ran a mile on the treadmill at 5.6! then i got skinny legs and all and sat on the bike until the first 45 minute period was over. the second 45 minute class was instructed by tiffany, so i got on a treadmill for the rolling hills. you raise incline every 15 seconds, until you get to the top and then you walk on no incline for a minute while you recover. after recovery you do a minute long sprint. we repeated this twice, our second sprint was 2 minutes long and i ended it at 6.7. we did a few calisthenics around the room after the rolling hills, and then head outside to use jump ropes and hula hoops like we did in week one. guess what? i jumped double dutch today. who knew i could do such a thing. i remember watching girls doing it and being so confused as to how it was even possible. i did it for a solid 30 seconds so i'm totally proud of that. hahah.

lunch was sunchoke soup and a half pita with ground turkey, tomatoes, mushrooms, and spinach. i love that pita for some reason, it's so delicious and filling.

after lunch i played volleyball, since it was open gym. the three classes today were treading, ball works, and total body h20. i took treading first, and ball works second. treading is when you go all out for 5, recover for 5, go all out for 4, recover for 4, etc. until you hit 1 minute sprints. i ran at 6.4 or higher for all of the intervals. the recovery speed i was around 3, mostly. i am to be able to jog the entire time and sprint the intervals, but my routine will do for now. ball works was just a normal ball works class. giant weird moves with a giant weird pilates ball. i made kateri use 7lb hand weights with me and she glared at me the entire time. i apologized at the end because it was way harder than i thought it'd be.... i should've let her go for the 5lb... she kept giving me this horrid looks and mouthing things about peer pressure.

 i opted out of the pool class to spend the time in the basketball court playing badminton. way better than getting in the pool. i spent the beginning time stretching. my legs get pretty tight after i run. bobby, the guy who films our classes to put together a weird montage of "intense" work out videos, came into the court while we were in their. ed used to call him the video-spy, so i've made it a habit of mine to refer to him as such. anyway, i was singing "hey annie girl, what you doin' tonight, i want to see what you got in store", as i usually do to annie when i look in her direction. a few minutes later, video spy asked me if i got embarrassed easily. i told him no, but i think i might've been lying. anyways, i have a feeling i will be embarrassed tomorrow. oh well. over it.

a weird thing that's been going on at fitness ridge, that i just noticed today, is the insane infestation of gnats. they are the WORST THING EVER. they're everywhere. they coat the windows in the gym, the wooden floors of the aerobics room, and they're even in the lecture hall. it's gross. i don't like them. yuck. i kept flicking little ones off of my giant red pilates ball in ball works.

dinner was stuffed chicken and cous cous. it was delicious! and so was dessert. peach cobbler? yumm! what a great day for food!

after dinner i headed over to increasing your income which is a 2 week+ required activity. i opted out last week so i had to go this week. it's been a tough week. motivationally, physically, mentally. i'm learning to get stronger and i feel this week everything is more intense. we were asked to all give advice and i said that it's okay to not give 100% on a day where you feel you've hit a wall. and you need to accept that you didn't go all out, and make up for it another day. i mentioned that it's more okay in a scenario such as the one we're in, where we're working out 7 hours a day. it's totally okay then because we're pushing so hard most hours of the day that if your body is telling you to slow down a bit, then do it. but make sure it's your body telling you, and not your little voice saying "i can't anymore". i guarantee you, you can.

cindy spoke about how you can always do something. nothing, absolutely nothing, can hold you back. cindy's knee cap is fractured down the center. she wears a knee brace but she still works out with us. she does what she can. i'm so inspired by cindy, particularly this week. she got her injury by slipping on merchandise at target, so we always joke that anywhere is more dangerous than fitness ridge. she got right back up on her feet even when she was in pain. she climbed camelback yesterday! so amazing. it's stories like that that really keep me going.

i played tennis with kateri after lecture. her knee's been bothering her, so it was a weak win. i'm not even proud because i know she couldn't go all out. 6-1 (i'm not ashamed, either).

i rushed back to my appointment with jen and sat down with her for an hour and fifteen. i think the appointments are supposed to be fifty minutes but i guess i'm extra troubled. oh well. jen told me i need to embrace control over myself. i believe this applies to everyone. we are constantly concerned with what others are doing, how other events are unfolding, attempting to control what we merely cannot. the truth is, i can control myself. i choose not to at times, but i can. we made up a few different charts and she asked me if she could write down that it was true, that i had control over myself. i hesitated for a while. i would hate to disappoint myself that way. she said that it was one of those things you beat into yourself until it is true. so i told her okay, i was ready to be in control. i looked back into past events in my life. i read into certain events and markers that may have given me permission to mentally label myself as "fat" at a young age. i, like everyone, have things to work through. it's time to let go of my old, negative beliefs of myself and recreate new, more truthful, inspiring ones. there's a difference between being conceded and being rightfully confident.

i will find a mind like water. jen referenced this tonight, and i love it. a mind that moves with the blows and adapts to problems. a mind like water is calm. still water calm, not ocean-riptide hectic.

i love you all. your support and comments are so appreciated. i smile each and every time i hear from one of you. with all of the love in the world, goodnight.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

day 18: so much saddle

this morning i did "saddle" with my hiking group. the hikes on saturdays are optional, so i guess it was my own fault i did it twice in such a short period of time. i wasn't as grumpy this time since i was pretty much expecting everything that came my way. we completed the entire beginning part pretty quickly. it seemed a bit easier. i don't know why but i don't burn that many calories on this hike! only about 800 now, where as in the first week i was burning 12-1400 per hike! ugh.

breakfast was a pb&j with strawberries and bananas inside.

after breakfast i took stretch with paige. i absolutely adore her stretch classes as they are as close to yoga as i'll get here. sione taught his first class this morning in the gym. it was circuit training so that's the class i took second. he did well! i've grown to love him. he's understanding and funny. we've had a few pretty serious conversations and today we were laughing for quite a while together. i'll definitely miss him when i leave!

lunch was tomato soup and bbq chicken pizza. both were okay. i'm not a huge fan of tomato soup but it was one of the best i've had! and the pizza was alright but it was a bit greasy and didn't have enough vegetables on it for my liking.

the afternoon consisted of mountain, kickboxing and pool. i opted to do mountain first, and then end my day with two kickboxing classes.

i only burned about 2700 today. my calorie amount has dropped greatly since the first week. my body is able to work just as hard without losing breath too quickly. i know that sounds like a good thing. that's because it is. my body is becoming stronger making it necessary to work much harder to burn as much. some people here could work out half as much as i do and burn twice as many calories. it just has to do with weight, height, gender, and fitness level. it's a bit frustrating seeing such a low number, and it makes me a bit nervous i won't see results this week. i guess i'll just cross my fingers and keep working hard.

dinner was salmon over orzo and for dessert we had a fruit skewer. a man came up to me after dinner and asked if i was in room 204. i said yes, and he asked if i was the one playing the guitar. i admitted and apologized if i'd bothered him at all, and he immediately retorted that he really enjoyed it and that my voice sounded great! i was flattered, to say the least.

kateri and i decided to skip stop sign tomorrow, and bike to a local village instead. we're also going to bike the 13 miles to st. george and back again this weekend. as for now, i'm going to hit the sack. it's been an exhausting day for some reason and my body is begging that i'll just relax for a sec.

10 days. love you all, goodnight.

day 17: toning tuesdays


The hike this morning was “third ravine”. It was pretty intense in the beginning, lots of climbing. Unfortunately, it’s getting a lot harder to burn calories. I’m guessing that’s a great sign but it’s a bit disappointing too!

Breakfast was a muffin, but I decided to have eggs and toast instead. Also, today I decided I would try and drink as much water as possible! It made it a bit difficult to make it through classes without having to leave to go to the bathroom. I think it’s important I keep drinking as much water as I did today though.

The options this morning were pretty calm, no serious cardio options. I chose strength circuit and stretch. Incase you’ve forgotten, strength circuit is when you work out at each station for a minute per machine. The point is to fatigue your muscles as much as possible in 60 seconds. Stretch was nice but It’s so difficult to stay awake. I always doze off… I still get a good stretch in though and I think that’s the most important part.

Lunch was coconut chicken soup (a chicken broth with little pieces of chicken, avocado, and red pepper), as well as quinoa lettuce wraps. The lettuce wraps were phenomenal! About a half cup of quinoa per piece of boston lettuce.

Every Tuesday at fitness ridge is “calorie challenge” day. Today’s calorie challenge was to guess the amount of calories in a variety of different sandwiches. As always, first prize is a facial, second prize are the chef’s cookbooks, and third prize is a biggest loser book (it varies every week, today’s was a specifically dessert cookbook).

After calorie challenge I decided to watch true blood in my room to kill some time before afternoon classes. If you haven’t been watching, get to it!!

My first class was cardio intervals, but I was absolutely exhausted for some reason. The first interval (30 seconds per 7 increases & 7 decreases) I did on the elliptical. The 2 sprints I did on the treadmill and I finished the last interval on the treadmill as well. It seems to be the only machine I enjoy using, mostly because it gets my heart rate up the highest and I can’t lie to myself about speed and incline.

Next I took total toning with robin. I was using 6 lb weights and at one point in the class Sharon gave me this look of shock and outrage and stomped away. She quickly came back with 10 lb weights for me to use for the rest of the class. Thanks Sharon… always looking out for me.

Finally, for the first time in a while, I took a pool class: deep water suspension. It was great! Nicole is one of the more intense trainers here at FR. She makes sure that when you’re in the pool you don’t feel like you’re having free swim. I never knew pool workouts could be as intense as they have been here.

Dinner was white bean chili topped with avocado and a few tortilla strips. It was delicious! Dessert was the vanilla and chocolate pudding parfait again. It’s one of my favorite desserts here, but it’s 194 calories.

At the end of dinner they announce the calorie challenge winners. Annie always jokes that she’s never going to win because this is her sixth week here and she has yet to be even remotely close. I went inside to be moral support. Turns out, I wasn’t very good moral support as I won third place. So, I’ll be bringing home the biggest loser’s dessert cookbook. Thank god for me since I have such a huge sweet tooth! All of the desserts look amazing.

Open life coach is every Tuesday night, instead of the lectures like I had the first week I was here. We usually just talk about whatever topic comes up first. It always seems to be the same issue, “what do I say to people who remark, ‘you still look the same’ or ‘how much weight did you lose?’”. Honestly, I can’t believe that’s an issue for people. If you still look the same, it’s because no one looks that different after two weeks. You can only feel the differences. If someone asks you how much weight you lost, as them how much weight they lost.

I went back to my empty room to kill time before my meeting with Jen tonight. I played a little bit of guitar, sad that the Internet here is down. Finally at 8:15 I met up with Jen. We spoke first about why I was there. I told her that I’m afraid to disappoint myself after I leave here. I don’t want to be struggling with my weight for the rest of my life. It’s too tiring. She showed me the basic “calories in = calories out” math and told me that tomorrow morning I should wear my heart rate monitor for 24 hours so I can find out what my most active burning rate is. I’m excited to find out! We talked a bit about options at school and I told her how all of my friends were always confused because my fridge was stuffed with healthy food.

At the end we touched on how many nutritionists I’d been to, and a few more personal areas as well. She asked me how I felt about my body. I didn’t know what to say but truthfully I’m not embarrassed of my body. I wish I was thinner, I would feel better if I was thinner, but I wouldn’t be a different person. I told her that if I wasn’t so confident in my personality that I would probably feel differently.

Now I’m watching cupcake wars. Kateri watches so much foodnetwork here and now I understand why. I forgot how much I loved it!!!

Sorry for the late post, by the way. The internet is down here, as I said before. But look at the bright side, two posts in one day!
11 days away, with love, goodnight.

Monday, August 1, 2011

day 16: day 1 of week 3

today was the third monday i've experienced at fitness ridge. i had yet another "assessment hike". the hike today was called "upper gila". there were 8 of us and 3 guides. the eighth person was new this week and no one knew what his level of hiking would be like. as it turned out, he was extremely slower than us. our third guide, the tail guide, had to stay with him for the whole hike.

i was without a guide in front of me or behind me for quite sometime. i guess i would've been okay with this, except a lot of the hike was on large wash sandstone which means there wasn't really a visible path. you just sort of had to wander along until you saw the beginning of the path through the sand on the other side. i was in the mid-front for most of the hike until this one part where you could either go up a really steep cliff or down a really steep cliff and for the most part it seemed dangerous either way. i stopped for so long contemplating that the two people behind me caught up, and the two guides that were in front were way too far away to get their attention. miserable.

one of the people behind me explained quite politely that he was, "starting to get pissed". instantly after that, he yelled out (louder than loud can possibly be), "hey you! get your fucking ass back here and do your fucking job!". excuse my language, but you can imagine that him being so close to me made me just as shocked as you are now, after reading that sentence. the guides turned around and started heading back. the hike was over. there was no beautiful view, no breathtaking scenery, no real serious calorie burn. kateri renamed the trail, "the psycho path". i laughed for a while...

breakfast was a sausage and egg sandwich with spinach and tomato. after that i went to the life coaching topics lecture. it always is inspiring to hear what jen has to say. i have an appointment with her tomorrow night and i'm excited to see what happens. mountain came next. i ran for majority of the time and i have to say i don't know if i would've been able to do that if it wasn't my third week here. it feels great to be able to do things like this. i was dripping in sweat and not even fully out of breath. awesome.

lunch was tortilla soup (my favorite soup here), and a turkey sandwich. it was turkey on a bread-thin with tomato, sprouts, red pepper hummus, and red onions. it was so good and i was stuffed by the time i got through the whole lunch.

the afternoon began with volleyball for "open gym". i took core next, then did circuit training, and then core again. the two core classes were different, as they were taught by different trainers. the first was taught by annamarie. she did a lot more exercises and a lot more reps at a time. sharon's class was last, and she did a few different exercises for long periods of time. i enjoyed both. i find annamarie, who also did my circuit class, to be very inspiring and motivational. it was her words that pushed me past my speed barrier!

dinner was chicken and polenta. the polenta was unbelievable delicious. it surprised me a bit. dessert was chocolate covered strawberries. i have to say, i enjoy the chocolate thing that's going on here...

i spent a lot of time with cindy, annie and annemarie after dinner. we sat around talking for a solid 2 hours or more. they're two hysterical women and i absolutely love annie. i have a little news for you guys, too. my roommate is leaving tomorrow. she has deeper emotional issues to work out than fitness ridge can help her with. i wish her the best and hope she knows that many people at fitness ridge have faith in her. we are all hoping that she will find a place that better suits her.

12 days left. not that i'm counting.
i'm so grateful for all of you.
goodnight!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

day 15: discouraged...

today is officially the start of week three. of course, it's sunday so i don't really count it that way. i woke up around 8:30 and went downstairs to weigh myself quickly.

the scale read 182.4. this means i lost only about 4 pounds in the second week. not exactly happy, but that's still 9 pounds total i've lost while being here. in the real world, anyone would be happy about that.

breakfast was a whole wheat waffle, scrambled eggs, and sausage. the waffle is always pretty good. i guess i'm going to start cutting back on food and pressing forth on working out. i need to take advantage of this situation i've been given.

after breakfast, i went to go see friends with benefits with kateri and erica. it was okay, it was pretty cheesy. but some parts were good and at the end i wished i had a boyfriend for a good ten minutes, realized that sexual encounters are always way more awkward than the movies, and nothing would ever happen to me the way it did to mila kunis and justin timberlake. so i guess that means it met all of the standards of a romantic comedy. well done.

we stopped at walgreens and i got a few nail polishes: gold shatter, lime green shatter, a teal color, and a vibrant purple.

we get a bagged lunch on sundays and today it was peanut butter and jelly, string cheese, a few carrots, and an orange. totally satisfying. i ate lunch in the lounge of the new building ("the court") with annie while watching an episode of family guy.

i took a nap for about 2.5 hours until it was time for dinner. the people this week seem to be way more friendly than those that were here last week and there's 2 guys that look to be about my age. dinner was a tamale and "chocolate pie" which is the same dessert i had the first night i was here.

the redundancy is getting to me a bit and i found myself in a bad place today. i'm going to try and push the negativity out of my brain. hopefully this week will go by just as quickly as last week and will show me better results. i'm going to leave food on my plate this week, and go to all morning cardio classes. i have 2 meetings with jen, the life coach, this week. she's not here my last week so i'm going to get it in now, while i can.

i've been playing guitar a lot and just trying to get better. also, here's a picture of my little drawstring bag if anyone was interested (i'm not in the picture, don't worry. that will be a surprise!).


and here is a picture of my friends in my room at fitness ridge:
(from left to right) natasha (my roommate), annie, ed (in the back), and shanelle. i miss ed and shanelle a lot. but i'm so glad i get to spend my next two weeks with annie. she's absolutely wonderful and genuine.

i'd post pictures from the hikes but i can't because i don't have my cable for my camera.
thinking of you,
goodnight!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

day 14: exhaustion!

this morning i woke up and i felt utterly exhausted. i had signed up to do saddle, which is one of the hardest hikes they have at fitness ridge. i woke up around 6:15 fully intending to do west canyon instead. it's a flat hike, mostly pavement, that walks through the ridges and has barely any incline. much easier than stop sign, and much much easier than saddle. i put on my running shoes and headed towards the van without even getting any water for my camelbak.

well, when i got outside the first thing i heard was "okay, you're sierra right? this is the van for saddle." i'd written my name on both lists, and crossed my name off on the saddle one last night. i guess they didn't get the memo, and for the next half an hour i was pretty grumpy. but i headed off to saddle anyway. i can't wait to show you pictures of saddle. you're going to flip out! the whole entire beginning was a full climb. practically 90 degrees, except unlike volcano it didn't last ten minutes. it lasted a half hour, if not more. don't forget, i wasn't wearing my hiking shoes. so difficult.

at one point, you drop down into a pit of sand. most people were graceful and just slid down gently until they were close enough to jump. i did the same except planted my knees and hands into the sand instead of my feet. nice one...

when i got back, i was pretty exhausted but i knew i still had two more classes. i headed to breakfast where i had a bowl of granola with almond milk and a banana.

after breakfast, i got into my bathing suit and went into the pool for "open swim". kateri and raunie were attempting to build a raft so kateri could float across the pool. that entire scene pretty much distracted me from swimming laps. by the way, swimming laps is a lot harder than i thought. i wish i never stopped swimming it probably helps build endurance. after that i grabbed skinny legs and all for the first time since i've been here, read about a page and took a nap in the shade. it's so excruciatingly hot here.

lunch was a hawaiian mahi fish taco. everyone was complaining it was bland so i got tuna on a bagel thin instead. after lunch, kateri and i quickly got dressed and biked 6 miles into st. george. it took us about an hour and fifteen to get there. once we were there, we got starbucks (unsweetened iced green tea) and went to see crazy stupid love. it was really great! i definitely recommend it. ryan gosling is a god. it's ridiculous. after that, we biked a different way back to the ridge. our bike totaled about 13 miles roundtrip. i had so much fun with kateri in st. george. she's such a wonderful and beautiful person.

once we got back we were exhausted, it was about 7:30 p.m. (we'd left at 1:15 p.m.). i caught a ride with a girl here into town again and bought kateri and i two 6 inch subway sandwiches since we'd missed dinner. i'm surprisingly extremely full. it's kind of weird not being able to eat as much. not wanting to eat as much i could definitely get used to. after i ate, i went to kathy's room and she helped me finish the small drawstring bag i had started. i can't wait to crochet afghans. it's going to be so fun!

once again, another week is over. i'm going to miss shanelle, francine, and kathy. but i am so glad i met them and i can't wait to see them again. this week's vibe was a bit different. the new people were slightly cold and a bit stand-offish. the personalities didn't compare to those i got to know in the first week, but i am still glad i'm here. i'm still glad i'm pushing to the end.

third week is supposed to be the hardest week. a lot of people hit roadblocks. but i'm going to do my best as i've been doing, and just keep thinking of what's at the other end of all of this: freedom. liberation from physical and mental weight i've carried with me for far too long. i have to be honest, i'm afraid of disappointing myself when i leave here. i was talking to sione today and it really is impossible to know what it's like to struggle with your weight unless you actually do struggle with your weight. and i'm talking about attempting to manage an unhealthy weight. not your occasional 5 pound gain and loss.

i hope you are all taking something out of this. and i hope that when you work out that you push yourself a little harder and think of me doing the same for you out here.
with love, goodnight.

Friday, July 29, 2011

day 13: screaming and slapping

today i went on a hike called "camelback". it's one of the signature hikes at fitness ridge. we hiked along a lot of sandstone and reached a deep decline into a bowl-like shape. they call it "the vortex". it's pretty intense to get in and out of. ed was on my hike again, since he's in my hiking group. i absolutely love him. we spent the last two days together and i can't wait to visit him in brooklyn.

breakfast was two pancakes, eggs, and turkey sausage. after breakfast i went to stretch, and then i went to cardio intervals. stretch today was one of my second favorite stretch classes i've taken. cardio intervals was a great workout. it seemed to be a pretty easy friday morning.

lunch was a mushroom soup and a tostada salad which was absolutely amazing. the tostada salad was two small tortillas that'd been crisped in the oven, topped with beans, lettuce, soy cheese, red onions.

after lunch i went to zumba twice! zumba was much better this week. so much more exciting, so much less woo-ing. i skipped the last class of the day, which would've been a pool class anyway, to go to the tennis courts with kateri. we played tennis in 110 degree heat and afterwards we rode over to the "splashpad" which is basically just a bunch of sprinklers for little kids. we probably shouldn't have been there.... but it's fine.

a bunch of us skipped dinner tonight and decided to get sushi after graduation. graduation was long and boring. everyone was crying. a lot of people said wonderful things, but most of the speeches were way too long and ed wasn't there to make me laugh. the only good part was the raffle drawing. i took a survey last week that was supposed to take 5-10 minutes, but it lasted more like 15-20 minutes. it was pretty tedious and i wasn't really feeling it. i took the second part of the survey today, and they entered my name into a raffle. there were a bunch of prizes you could win: a polar watch, a pedometer, a 2L full sized camelbak, a jumprope, and a water bottle. i thought for sure i wouldn't win anything but i walked out of there with this beautiful blue camelbak! at the end, sione did a tribal dance he used to try out for the biggest loser with. it was pretty funny.

after that, ed and i went to get sushi at a different place than everyone else. he's a pretty intense person but i absolutely love him. we get along so well and i laugh so hard my stomach hurts when i'm around him. he bought me dinner! everyone is so kind here. we barely ate anything. we split a seaweed salad, two rolls, and a small bowl of cold glass noodles. we couldn't finish anything except for the seaweed salad. i guess that's kind of awesome, and means my stomach has shrunk quite a bit!

when we got back i met up with natasha, annie, and shanelle in my room. ed came to join for a bit. shanelle had videotaped sione's dance so we let ed watch it. he calls sione a beefcake and is always wondering (loudly) why he never takes his shirt off. all ed had to say about the video was, "he calls that dancing? it just looks like screaming and slapping".

i'm gonna miss a few people this week but mostly i'm just excited to be heading into the third week. only 12 days of working out left really! i'm going to be so sad when kateri goes home. i'm already miserable that shanelle and ed are leaving this weekend.

excited about my new camelbak, even though i already have a cute tiny one.
goodnight everyone. miss you all.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

day 12: sand &fastfood

this morning we took a hike called "awesome chasm". we had to leave about 20 minutes early in order to finish our hike on time. so we left FR at 6:05. it was about an 8 mile hike i think. most of the hikes are 4-8 miles. there was a ton of sand on the trail! it was so frustrating. i stayed close to ed, who's from brooklyn, and he kept me laughing the whole time. i think maybe i just think the things he says are funny because he still has a slight russian accent. today he complained, "if only there was a large body of water, then maybe this sand wouldn't be so atrocious". i absolutely love him!! the chasm was awesome but we only stayed for about 5-10 minutes which was kind of ridiculous considering how long it takes to get there.

breakfast was a bacon and egg sandwich, which i believe i had at the beginning of last week. i'm not a huge fan, but everything else here is fine so i can't complain.

next i went to another label reading lecture. today we looked at the labels on frozen meals, yogurts, salad dressings, and tortillas. as i've said before, they really just stress the consumption of foods that haven't been processed an unnecessary amount. the shorter the ingredient list, the better. fage was considered the best choice of yogurt! i was completely satisfied with that since i could eat fage forever.

all the talk of food had me really wanting to head over to the gym (makes sense, right?...hahah). so the next thing i chose was "gym class" which is usually a random cardio activity selected by a trainer, but today there were only two people in the gym. another woman and me. that's it. i grabbed my ipod, hopped on the treadmill, and walked a half mile to warm up, ran a mile at 5.7 (i never thought i would do that, ever), and then walked a half mile to cool down. that only took me about a half hour, so i decided to go into the empty aerobics room and stretch by myself. i was in heaven.

lunch was a vegetable soup and a turkey club pita (served with a side salad). when i walked into the dining room, i saw a mcdonalds bag on one of the tables as well as 3 pizza boxes. nicole ran over and started screaming at them, asking what they were doing with all of that stuff. it didn't take long to realize it was a prank! T, the guy who pulled the prank, said mcdonalds made him buy something. he had to actually buy 2 cheeseburgers and throw them away. poor guy... hahah. sharon hit him over the head with one of the pizza boxes.

after refueling, i went to the gym to play volleyball, yet again. it's fun every time though especially if kateri is around! for my afternoon classes, i took treading first and then took ball works. i did treading on the elliptical which i found less boring but it was harder to maintain speed. incase you forgot, ball works is the class where we strength train with a giant pilates ball. you wouldn't think it'd work but i think i might actually feel it tomorrow.

shanelle, annie, and i skipped our third class and went to the new basketball court and messed around a little. i ran a lot today so i knew i needed to stretch as much as possible. the basketball playing was horrific and now i understand why i chose tennis and softball. we attempted to play around the world but we could barely get ourselves across any countries. it was shameful. truly.

dinner was a café salad, which is lettuce, rice, beans, pico de gallo, citrus dressing, red onions, and grilled chicken on top of a whole wheat tortilla. for dessert we had apple crumb which tasted quite similar to the one we have at thanksgiving (hi mom). i decided not to go to the lecture after because i'll have the opportunity to go to the same one next week. no reason to rush myself out of here, since i still have plenty of time...

i watched true blood instead. it was a greaaat episode, if you haven't seen it yet--you really need to get on that. now i'm going to go shower.

guess why? 80 minute swedish massage tonight :) with my new best friend... you know.
love you,
goodnight!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

day 11: orange you glad we're orange?

this morning we went on a hike called "scout cave". it was actually pretty easy with only a few inclines on the way to a cave. the cave was probably the only exciting part, and my camera ended up fogging up (since it sucks more than anything) so i didn't even get to capture scout cave. oh well, didn't take me long to get over that one. one thing about this trail that for some reason kind of bothered me was that it was covered in ants. i know ants are strong, but i felt like i was stepping on them a lot... and i really don't like that.

i get made fun of here a little bit because of the whole, "we-don't-kill-bugs-in-my-family-if-it-can-be-avoided" thing. people are a little relentless towards insects, which isn't fair because they can't fend for themselves. (yikes! guess i sort of understand why i get made fun of.) on the hike, my friend ed from brooklyn and i spoke about grammar. we went on forever and he started to tell me about his job as an assistant principal at a school in brooklyn. he's such a funny guy. he has absolutely no filter to what is okay and not okay to say publicly. i'm kind of used to his rudeness, i feel, but most people aren't. he's harsh but i think he's hysterical (maybe just because he never stops).

breakfast was hot muesli with raisins, walnuts and a little bit of almond milk. then, i headed over to a the "health and wellness workshop", which was about having an emotional toolbox. i still don't think i know what that means. i'm not sure if the lecture was helpful, i'd probably have to take a look back at my sheet to find out. i think that might be a hint that it wasn't too touching (as a lot of the lectures are). afterwards, i went to stretch class.

lunch was a squash soup and a caesar salad pizza. the soup was absolutely incredible and the pizza was all right. quickly imagine how hard it is to eat lettuce on top of a thin crust pizza. i bet i looked super sophisticated while i was eating.

after lunch we had open gym and we played volleyball again. sione is shadowing as a trainer now and he "supervised" our volleyball game. we played music from my ipod and i was really nervous, which might surprise you. a skrillex song came on and i went to go change it when one of the trainers that was in the gym, robin, was like, "i know skrillex!" i almost died until she explained she has a 17 year old daughter. even so, i still appreciated that.

next i took kickboxing twice in a row instead of taking mountain. shanelle and i dance through everything here. we tried to turn volleyball into zumba-volleyball and kickboxing into zumba-kickboxing. sharon probably won't join in on our idea but it keeps us moving and laughing. sometimes people even join in! after two of those classes, i hit the pool.

my color this week is orange. there are 3 colors assigned: purple, orange, and yellow. the colors don't mean anything except that they assign the order in which we take our afternoon classes. for instance, yellow would have kickboxing first,  then orange would have it second, and purple would have it last. a lot of the time you can stay through two classes, but the only class we are not allowed to change is pool. too many people in the pool is a bad thing, and everyone wants pool to be their last class. i think there was about 30 people in the pool today, which would make it the biggest pool class i've ever had. it was so hard to move around and be comfortable. a ton of people ignored the "rule" about switching your pool class. i thought it was a little rude, considering most of the people here are adults and should know better.

dinner was grilled turkey and yam fries. dessert was chocolate covered strawberries! kateri sat with us tonight and i love when she's around because i never stop laughing. i'm so glad she's here another week. we didn't get to play tennis tonight because she had a hair appointment. i was a little disappointed because today was a pretty low calorie day, i didn't burn more than 2800. i know you think that sounds like a lot, but it's not at fitness ridge.

kateri asked me to bike into st. george on saturday. it's about 1.5hrs each way. i told her i was down before she told me how long it'd take but she's so fun that i can hardly imagine being bored. she tells me that she needs a picture with me and a note that reads "your mom is not boring" before she leaves. she has 3 (or 4?) sons that she's adopted in africa. one of her sons right now attends the college of new jersey. isn't that so cool?

around 7 i went to go learn to crochet some more with kathy. i'm still not very good but i know 3 stitches and i finished a tiny square i'm going to call a washcloth. now i've started a tiny drawstring bag. kathy calls herself "the yarn chef". i think that's really clever. she makes all sorts of items, from baby hats to shawls. these tiny bags are really cute and they seemed pretty easy. i still love knitting though, don't worry.

off to bed. love you all. goodnight!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

day 10: be your own inspiration

today was the hike "stop sign" again. i'm with a whole new batch of people this week, "the fast van", so i was a little bit nervous this morning. but kateri made me feel better pretty quickly. when we got there, i paced myself out more than last time. i didn't fall behind like i thought i would. in fact, i shaved a solid 4 minutes off of my time! that means it only took me 1:10 to do it this time.

on the way back down, i didn't think i'd make it to the bottom so i was prepared to stop at west canyon again, as i did last time. francine, a woman i met last week who is in my group this week, was pretty close behind me and we stayed pretty close together for the remainder of the hike. she kept me motivated to jog out the rest of the hike back, so i did. i don't think i would've finished the entire 8.6 miles without her. so, that was a big accomplishment!

it rained on the hike today. apparently it never rains in ivins. sharon seemed a little flustered by it. i absolutely loved the feeling of hiking up in the rain! the entire desert smelled of gratitude as each drop fell. it was ridiculous and i felt like i was a part of rejuvenation.

breakfast was a banana muffin with a mixed berry puree on top. it was absolutely delicious! i hope that i can actually bake those muffins at oswego and have one for breakfast instead of skipping breakfast... (i hope, i said).

after breakfast, i went to strength circuit. it was okay, but it doesn't get your heart rate going like circuit training so it's a little less intense. next i went to stretch, which was in the newly opened gymnasium.

lunch was a cauliflower curry soup, and a chicken salad sandwich. cindy, a guest here, makes me laugh so much everyday. she's one of the funniest people i've ever met. each week she gets in her local town newspaper. apparently it's run by just one woman, who writes/edits/self-publishes. today's headline was "babysitters find jobs challenging". underneath was a picture of the abstinence club's most abstinent.... we laughed about that for a while. cindy wondered aloud how one could be "more abstinent" than the next.

lucky for us, shanelle asked chef to make the granola for his demo this week. so after lunch i sat through his demo. it took a little bit to keep my eyes open through most of his talking, but i loved learning how to make the granola. it's so great i can't wait to make it for my fam when i'm home!

today's afternoon schedule was a bit easier than usual, i felt. i had total toning with robin first, then h20 deep water suspension with sharon (it was still raining at this point), and lastly i had cardio intervals with annamarie. i had a breakthrough in cardio intervals. i chose the treadmill next to francine, who hurt her knee today. usually francine goes pretty hard in the cardio classes, but today i think she ran vicariously through me. it's eight 30 second increases, a minute at the top, eight thirty second decreases for speed. then two sprints, which i ran at 6-7. after that, we do the same interval again, only i chose to do incline for the second one. afterwards, you do two more sprints.

before we did our last 2 sprints, annamarie told us a story about how she was afraid to run past 6 until one day the guy she was working out with reached over and pushed her speed up to 9. she told us to break our speed barriers and go beyond what we had been afraid of passing. i knew my speed barrier has been about an 8.7. i just don't think my feet can take me much faster than that.

well, i was wrong i guess. both sprints are only a minute long. the first sprint, with francine motivating me the whole time, i got up to 9.5. i could not believe it. her voice just made me feel like i should keep moving up the ladder and going faster than i ever have before. the next sprint, i only got up to a 9.2 but she was still just as motivating.

for some reason after i broke 9, my eyes started to sweat... (incase you don't understand what i mean, i guess you could say i cried.) it was the first time i've cried at fitness ridge, which is kind of amazing since people love to cry here. i don't really know what happened but i guess my body was just so confused and i was so astounded at what had just happened that i couldn't grasp the whole situation. francine totally got me through the whole day! everyone here is so supportive of everyone else.

dinner was meatloaf and string beans. for dessert we had this cinnamon tortilla with ricotta that had been blended with berries on top. it was actually one of the most amazing things i've ever eaten for 94 calories. after dinner, i went to open life coaching and we talked about how to move past pressures of friends and family to eat badly. i'm so lucky for my family. i thought about that the whole time. jen said that her parents were supportive of her to come here when she first came, but when she got home they shoved bad food in her face. i know that my family is reading this and waiting for me to come home and share anything i haven't already shared here with them. i wouldn't be here without either of my parents and i'm so glad to have gotten this opportunity. i can't say it enough: it isn't about the number anymore. i've pushed myself beyond limits i'd once mentally set.

kateri pulled me out of the lecture early to go play tennis with her. i absolutely love kateri. everything she says makes me laugh and we get along so well. she's such a genuinely great woman and i'm so glad that i got a chance to connect with her. (i'm so going to visit her in west africa, what a life.) anyway, the really important part is that i beat her 6-3. but every game was close, so i was getting a little nervous.

on our bike ride back from the tennis courts, scott (theprettymasseuse) beeped at me from his truck and my heart rate hit it's high for the day. just kidding. (a little).

back at the room, natasha and i talked for a bit. she's really wonderful and encouraging. she spent a good ten minutes telling me how impressed she was by me in our cardio intervals class and that makes me feel great because she is in way better shape than i am. i'm happy to have her as my roommate.

i love you all, it's time for bed.
goodnight!

Monday, July 25, 2011

day 9: the first day of the second week

this morning was another assessment hike. we hiked a trail called "temple quarry". there were minimal sights to see, and there was no temple. how disappointing. it was a good work out though, i burned about 1200 calories. sucks though, because i trail jogged a lot of it.

this week i believe i've been put with the advanced group. i guess we'll see how that works out for me. i have to hike stop sign tomorrow, so this blog post is going to be short.

breakfast was a greek frittata with avocado on top. it was awesome! cute elliptical boy served me. (he comes up again later in this blog post which makes me want to gag).

after breakfast i took the life coaching lecture again because i hear it's different every week. it was okay, not too different though so i was slightly disappointed. after that i took mountain. my friend Kateri and i tried to run for a lot of it, but we both couldn't break it. i think it's become a subconscious goal of ours for the next two weeks.

lunch was a carrot soup, and a rice and bean burrito with a small salad. lunch was also embarrassing.
there's a server alex who usually spikes his hair, but today he didn't. i told him i liked his hair better that way (without spikes) but apparently he took it the wrong way. a few minutes later cute elliptical boy came out from the kitchen, out from the dining hall, to the back patio tables, and stood in front of our table. my insides started to crumble. he looked at our table and went, "which one of you is sierra?". no. not real. i graduated middle school in '06. none of this was okay. so, at the least witty moment of my life i just said, "umm.. that's me." he just responded with a "hey what's up?" and things got pretty awkward for him, me, and the rest of the table surrounding me. i turned around and alex was watching. he got a kick out of it for some reason but the whole situation was really awkward and awful. anyways...

afterwards, the second week+ people had "open gym" which changes every day. today it was volleyball in the new gymnasium. it was so fun but i danced through most of it and tended to dodge the ball... volleyball has never really been my thing. next was h20 intervals, then circuit training and then core training. today was easier than last monday. i feel stronger and in better shape. but i can't believe it's only the beginning of week 2.

dinner was a salmon burger and a side of broccoli. it was pretty awesome. i'm always amazed at how well the food comes out.

shanelle, annie, charlene, and i decided to go to a store that sold a lot of nike products for cheap. i didn't buy anything, but it was nice looking. i switched my appointment with scott to thursday because my back is feeling okay and i have a feeling it'll be better to save a spot at the end of the week incase it does start to hurt again.

i miss you all a lot. i wish you would all comment more but that's okay. i'll get over it.
with love from the middle school,
goodnight!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

day 8: don't worry, i'm crocheting now

today is a very different day at FR. today is the day we don't have to wake up before the sun does! how wonderful. my body was ready to wake up by 8, however, and i set off downstairs to breakfast. i saw everyone getting ready to leave and realized that my first week went by so quickly. i wonder if summer at home is passing at the same pace. i miss you all a lot and i can't wait to see you when i get back.

before i went to breakfast, i ran into the weigh-in room and weighed in. ready?
my first week, bloating and all, i now weigh: 186.1. which means i lost about 5 pounds in the first week.
i can only hope my results will continue.

breakfast was a whole grain waffle with a citrus sauce and a little bit of scrambled egg and turkey sausage. after that, shanelle, annie, and i went to the movies to see horrible bosses. i got a venti unsweetened iced green tea. there is nothing like that in the heat! and i'm sorry, i know it has caffeine. but i am so over that.

on sundays we get packed a sack lunch that we pick up in the morning. the sack lunch had roasted red pepper hummus, 3 pita triangles, a few carrots, a few cucumbers, string cheese, and an apple. it didn't feel like much but it definitely was fine to hold us over until dinner. in the meantime, we met a lot of new comers that had already arrived. among the newcomers is a girl named natasha. she's 21 from montreal, and she's so sweet. we all love her! we asked if she could room with me and since everyone at FR is so accommodating, natasha is now my roommate (for the next 2 weeks).

we all went to dinner together to enjoy spaghetti squash, chicken, tomato sauce and snap peas. it was wonderful. for dessert we had key lime pie... which isn't really pie at all. it's actually pudding on a grape nut base but i mean, whatever, we take what we can get. after dinner there was a quick orientation where we go around and say our names. it was in the new building which was just opened today!

afterwards, my friend kateri, who lives in west africa, and i decided we would play tennis this week. so that's definitely something i get to add to my daily schedule of exercise! i think she wants to play everyday. another friend, kathy, has been crocheting. i told her how i fell in love with knitting this past year but couldn't pick up crocheting as easily. she went to joanne fabrics today and picked up a crochet hook and some yarn for me. can you believe that?! is that the nicest thing you've ever heard, or what? so after orientation we sat in the lobby of the new building and she taught me how to crochet. i picked it up pretty quickly and i think i should be all right enough to suffice by the time she leaves on saturday.

i am so touched by the people i've met here. stephanie, a woman who i really connected with last week (she was a one-weeker), was wearing a shirt from her personal training studio she owns that says "steph's gym". i told her how much i loved the shirt, and i may (or may not) have jokingly said that she should take it off and hand it over... well, later that night, there it was. sitting at the front desk waiting for me. between kathy and stephanie, i've gotten really lucky here. everyone is generous and helpful and just so much more than i expected.

tomorrow is the beginning of week 2. i'm nervous, but excited. week 1 passed quicker than i thought. i hope this one goes even faster than that.

p.s. it reaches about 105 here during the day, my camelback is a wonderful thing, and i'm not sore enough that i can't walk, but i'm sore enough to feel it.

oh, and guess who gets to see her favorite massage therapist again soon? ;)

with love, goodnight.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

day 7: i suck at bowling

this morning i chose not to do a hike. since my back has been hurting i figured it would be a good time to give it a rest. on saturdays, you sign up for a hike instead of just going with your normal hiking group. i signed up for a cardio-blast class with robin that started at 7 am. i burned the same amount of calories i would've on a hike! amazing, i know. but believe me, it wasn't as fun as it is to climb up mountains. you don't get the same sense of accomplishment.

breakfast was FR's homemade granola with almond milk and a bit of fruit. after breakfast, i took a stretch class and then a strength circuit class. the stretch class was great. OH! which reminds me, i had a massage last night. my back feels so much better. you might be wondering if it was as awkward as i thought it'd be.

of course, it wasn't. scott was really nice and after about five minutes i finally just said, "so... are we allowed to talk or is that weird?" and he told me it was all preference. if you know me at all then you already know my preference: talking--which is exactly what we did. we talked about so many different things and kept a really great conversation going. we found ourselves hysterically laughing because we got along so well. a lot of people wouldn't like that and probably would've found it hard to relax, but it eased my stress over the fact that a gorgeous boy was giving my flabby body a massage. he told me the pain in my back wasn't in the lower back, as i'd thought it was. it was in my mid-back and the pain in the mid-back was putting stress on my lower back. the conversation and feeling more at ease with him helped me to feel more comfortable with telling him how much pressure was too much, etc.

i'm seeing him again on tuesday night, in hopes one final massage will tell my back to get over it and strengthen up. (or maybe my back will keep hurting because it wants me to love scott forever...just kidding..?)

lunch was tomato soup and a chicken salad sandwich. after lunch, our day was over until dinner. i chose to sit by the pool with shana and her roommate kathy. i laughed so hard today! i laugh a lot here. everyone is funny in their own way and there are some people who just make me laugh so often. after that i played guitar for a little and then got dressed to go to dinner &graduation.

i was late to dinner, and when i got there everyone was so dressed up. it was nice to see everyone not sweaty and gross for once! hahah. dinner was an enchilada and steamed broccoli. the best and most filling dinner so far, and it was less than 400 calories. for dessert, we had a chocolate covered piece of banana. it was delicious, of course.

after dinner was graduation. they showed the DVD they make over the course of the week compiled with video clips of us working out and also pictures of us on the hikes. everyone was laughing and reminiscing quickly, and then we went around the room to say any last words as departing guests or just for the end of the week in general. everyone was very moved by their first (&only, for some) week at fitness ridge. i was too. i've met some really wonderful people i can't imagine not seeing again! so many of them have offered a place to stay if i was ever in town. fitness ridge is like a huge family. you all go through the pain, burn, and pride together.

when it got to me, i quickly said a few words. mostly i just wanted to thank shana for helping me get through my first week. i really looked to her to pace me through my workouts and to motivate me to go harder. i can't imagine having anyone else do that for me. i got really lucky! also, a woman said that her goal is to do 27 charcos in puerta plata (where she lives now), and if anyone from fitness ridge wants to go and stay with her to try and accomplish all 27 falls they are more than welcome to contact her. 27 charcos is a series of 27 waterfalls you climb to the top of and jump down. shana and i immediately looked at each other and decided we wanted to train to do that. i think that might be my next goal. climb the falls.

after everyone cried (except for me--aren't you all so proud?), those of us that signed up for bowling went right along to bowl. i think i bowled a high score of 50? i was awful. but you know what? that's okay because i can run and climb mountains now. i bet bowlers can't do that... also, i made up a great song to the tune of "firework" by katy perry: "cause baby we are taco bell, don't you love the way we smell? makes you go yum, yum, yum as we slide into your tum, tum, tum." i only did that because when you walk out of the bowling alley there's a taco bell. i don't really have cravings for anything here.

when we got back, shanelle and i danced in the aerobics room to a bunch of music on my ipod. afterwards we sat outside with annie and a few others until we got too exhausted to keep up conversation. annie and shanelle are great and i'm so glad i met them. they're hysterical and without them i might feel a little lonely.

goodnight, guys! until tomorrow.
p.s. shana if you read this, i miss you already............. :)